You're shopping for

The Peat Pilgrim

You're shopping for someone who ordered the smokiest thing on the menu mostly to watch your face.

He calls it "a campfire in a glass" at least once per bottle and has said the word Islay to you, unprompted, more than once.

• Stocking Stuffer

  Top shelf pick

  Glencairn whisky glasses (set of 4)

  For the sermons. He goes through congregants.

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• The Real Gift

  On the shelf

  Norlan whisky glass (buy two)

  Double-walled, so the smoke stays in the glass and off his hands. Two singles, because the listing is a single despite the URL.

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• The Grand Gesture

  On the shelf

  Whiskey aroma training kit

  Subtle sabotage: fifty-four numbered vials that quietly prove peat is one note among many, not a personality.

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He isn't showing off. He's inviting you in. Go halfway and he'll meet you there.